The Importance of Rest

Something that I perhaps took for granted or simply ignored before coming here was the need for rest. Since I arrived, each member of the team has emphasized the importance of taking time to rest and step away from all the work and worry of life here. My American mind set pushes back: "I have to get this, this and this done on time and then I can crash over the weekend." Especially coming out of a college atmosphere when I would go to bed at midnight to wake up at 4 AM to finish a paper or project, I felt that rest was a luxury and not one that was high on my list. It took being physically exhausted to the point of having to turn over my English class to one of the other teachers for me to realize that rest was not a footnote but a reoccurring theme in every chapter.

Life here is hot, busy and highly interactive. Everyday we go out in over 100 degree weather to work in the community and lend ourselves to our neighbors. Please understand, this is not a complaint, rather it is an explanation of the conclusion I was forced to make. I mention the heat because it is a constant and is the most physically draining aspect of stepping outside the house. We walk to and from the grocery store up the street then we are ready for a nap. Even while writing this post in my house, I had to get up to refill my water bottle in response to the thirst that always seems to be an issue. There is also the added stress of the language barrier that separates me from my neighbors here. Though I have planned an all out assault on this barrier by stepping up my language classes in the next month, the fact remains that my expectations in this area should be low. I am still unsure whether I have accepted that limited victories in this area are all that I will accomplish in a year. Other workers have been here for five or more years and are still meeting regularly with a language tutor. Even if somehow I manage to be able to converse with my neighbors here, I still will not be able to read or write Arabic (like I said, limited victories). I have enjoyed the big group activities as well as the small group visits, don't get me wrong. However, when three of us were on a visit that lasted nearly five hours this week, all of us were feeling rather drained afterwards. The stress of the day might go unnoticed at the time but it will quickly wear you down.

So how have I found rest? Leo Tolstoy equated rest with happiness in this way: "Rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.” This list exemplifies my idea of happiness perfectly.

• Nature offers the most noteworthy marvels and stirs in the soul of man praise to the Creator of such majesty. I find the sandy mountains and the salty sea shores of my new home to be no exception to this observation.
• Any one who knows me knows that I can not live long without a good book. Currently I am reading four (and would recommend all of them): A Separate Peace by John Knowles; A Damsel in Distress by PG Wodehouse; Bleak House by Charles Dickens; and Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes by Randolph Richards & Brandon O'Brien. Each of these books offers a mental escape from the day for me that far surpasses anything I might find on the TV or Internet.
• Music has served as a great way to fill the silence when resting or working around the house. Sometimes I listen to it just to listen and other times it serves as white noise to keep my mind from wandering too far.
• Lastly, I cannot separate correctly loving my neighbors from taking time to rest. I highly value my time with people here but I have come to value my times of rest in the same way. I am even excited for Ramadan to start in two weeks because it will afford Kara and I the time to rest after saying goodbye to many of our American friends who are returning to the states, the closing of Green Creations for the time of fasting and the end of this semester of English classes. 

Though I have not perfected it, I am learning to balance my desire to make friends in the community here and stepping back from the events of the day to simply breathe. Regularly, another member of the team here will vary these times of rest for us. One such case was when Sarah invited Kara, Laura, Becky and I up to her apartment to appreciate the view. The whole of town is visible from her balcony and we arrived just in time to see the sun go down and the city light up. Amidst snapping pictures of the scene, we just sat and talked. Simple enough but, like water, it is the simple things we cannot go without for very long.

https://picasaweb.google.com/108532852514122909750/SunsetOverTown?authkey=Gv1sRgCPKctb74o8v8dA#

I'm Already Behind

Sorry everyone, I'm already behind in my posts. It is only because so much has been happening here in the past couple weeks.

First off, I finally made it to the Red Sea. Nearly all the girls from the English classes, both students and teachers, rented a bus and went to South Beach outside of town. I was particularly excited about this because, as luck would have it, I had only one girl in my class and was not connecting with the other female students much. Being invited on this trip was really encouraging for me and served to show all the girls that I'm their friend too. About twenty girls piled into this small bus where we rocked out to American and Arabic music the whole way there and back. The local girls remained covered when we went swimming, so we Americans tried to adjust our swimwear accordingly. I wore yoga capris and a long sleeved black shirt. The water in the Red Sea is salty but it did not feel gritty like ocean water. We all walked in to about our waists and a few brave souls jumped off the pier. The cool water was definitely a relief in the 100 degree weather. After wading for a while we walked up to the pavilion we had claimed and shared food. I had made brownies, like an American, while the other girls brought more traditional snacks: grape leaves, cheese filled dough, a dessert called "Lebanese Night" and pound cake. Afterwards, some of Becky and Laura's students tried to teach them how to dance and the rest of us cheered them on. We even tried to play a game of 'dare' but it was short lived. With the day quickly cooling off as the sun set, we returned to the water to soak our feet and enjoy the view. Upon coming back to town, promises were made for visits and goodbyes were prolonged. It was truly a great day of just getting to know some new friends outside of class and all the other work I've been focusing on. I can not wait to see what my friends plan for us to do next.

https://picasaweb.google.com/108532852514122909750/ToTheBeach?authkey=Gv1sRgCLiFnon35-_29AE#

Speaking of Weddings

Two weeks in and I've already had the opportunity to attend a wedding.

 

One of the programs that the center does is called Well Fit. It is a health and wellness program that offers classes to both men and women in kick boxing, aerobics, zumba and other workout regiments. Those who attend the classes from the community have developed close relationships with the workers at the center who teach the classes. As a result, this past Wednesday every worker at the center was invited to the wedding of the son of one of the ladies who attends the aerobics class.

 

A short time ago this couple came together with their family to celebrate their engagement and sign a contract binding themselves to each other. This contract symbolizes that they agree to honor one another as if they were married but they marriage is not official yet. If this contract is broken before the marriage celebration, the woman would be considered divorced but the man would not be. On the woman's identification papers it will say "divorced" but the man's will continue to say "single".  This however was not an issue for this couple and after the engagement celebration the family made all the preparations for the wedding.

 

We arrived at the reception hall in time to claim a table and greet our friends. Since this wedding was segregated by gender, once inside all the women uncovered and showed off their party clothes. Many of the dresses of the younger women were just like what you would see at a high school dance in the states. I even spotted a girl wearing the same dress I wore to my senior prom. Soon the DJ started playing Arabic pop music and the girls took to the dance floor. We were exhorted to join in the dancing which we reluctantly did for a short time. It was not so much the dancing that gave us pause, rather it was the scrutiny we were under while on the dance floor that made us a bit uneasy. The way that many engagements and marriages start is when a mother notices a girl at a public event like a wedding reception. The mother would be watching the young girls to discern which were modest, respectful and suitable for her son to marry. In response to this mindset, mothers with marriageable daughters would dress up their daughters and "position" them at the right parties where searching mothers of would-be grooms are sure to see them. If a mother notices a girl who fits her criteria, she will make inquiries about her and let her son know that the search is on. The dance floor felt like the bright light of a microscope that we were all fitted under. Despite this and the fact that none of us knew how to dance, it was fun to let loose with the girls for a bit.

 

After about an hour and a half of celebrating an announcement came over the pa system in Arabic and the women quickly sat down and put their coverings back on. It was time for the bride to arrive. This arrival was unusual, according to my friends, because the bride was accompanied on one side by her mother and father, and on the other side by the groom's father (the groom's mother had been at the party since the start). The groom was not part of this procession. As they entered, a prayer blessing in Arabic played over the pa. This type of blessing, I am told, is recited at a wedding, birth or the start of something new like a new job or moving into a new house. After the prayer, the fathers left and the bride took her place on the stage in front of us all. There was a great photo op and then she came down to the dance floor to celebrate with her friends (who were now uncovered again). This went on for a bit and then another announcement came on signaling the arrival of the groom. The bride went back out to meet him and all the ladies covered back up. The bride and the groom entered to a similar prayer blessing played over the pa system.

 

The couple walked through the hall and up onto the stage for the exchanging of the rings. This was a tradition that I particularly liked: both the man and the woman receive engagement rings at the signing of the contract to be worn on the right hand. At the wedding celebration, the groom moves the bride's engagement ring to the other hand and places a wedding ring on her right ring finger. She moves his rings as well. A friend of mine explained that having the ring on each hand tells the story of your lives together. My friends here were also aghast that in the states the man does not wear an engagement ring.

 

The groom then presented the bride with her gold. The gold is an adornment for the bride but it is also insurance for her wellbeing. If, for whatever reason, the couple was to divorce, the gold is her's to sell, etc., so that she might live on her own. Other types of jewelry are given as gifts but these pieces from the groom are presented and put on the bride during the celebration. The dancing continued but some of the more reserved women went to dance in the corner out of the line of vision of the groom. Soon, a giant cake was wheeled in. I counted eight or nine tiers but there may have been more. The bride and groom took hold of a huge sword with which they cut all of the tiers. At this point, the tradition was similar to what might happen at an American wedding: they took a piece of cake and fed it to each other. Similarly, they were given goblets with some sort of green (non-alcoholic) drink which they held out for the other to drink out of. The photographer never stopped snapping pictures of every action of the couple or turn on the dance floor. We received cake, chocolates and pop to sugar us up and keep us energized as the party went on.

 

I was very glad to have this opportunity to see how the community, especially the women, act outside of the center and out from under the public eye. I look forward to getting to know this place and the people here better through interactions like this in this next year. 



 

 

New House

Marh'aba

I moved into a new house last Wednesday with three other girls who are working at the center. Here's a quick gallery of the house. Also, there's a picture at the beginning of the men's celebration of a wedding. Like most other things, the women and men are separated to celebrate wedding ceremonies. The women were inside somewhere having their own dance party while the men partied it up outside under the lights. The picture does not do justice to the light display that they had set up. Later in the night they shot off fire works.

https://picasaweb.google.com/108532852514122909750/NewHouse?authkey=Gv1sRgCN6JzZez9J3xNQ#

This is what the men's party looks like during the day (minus the men & the party):

More to Learn

In order to survive in a new culture you have to learn the rules. Slowly I am accumulating a list of what is polite, how to act in public and expectations others have of you. These cultural norms would not be given a second thought by those who live here but if broken are liable to cause problems. I will give you my short list that is in no way conclusive nor does every rule apply to every situation.
 
1)  Day to day schedule
As I said before, the weekend here is Friday-Saturday. Thursday nights are like Friday nights in the states: everyone is out and about celebrating the start of the weekend. Fridays are the days when the Imams teach at the Mosques in the morning so the town is pretty dead until the afternoon. On a daily basis, most everything calms down between noon and four because of the heat (especially because it is the summer). This week's forecast is calling for temperatures above 110 every day. As a result, most families eat their big meal in the middle of the day; the food is prepared in the morning when it is still cool. Dinner is a much smaller meal eaten at a later time (sometimes not until 8 pm).
 
2)  Ramadan
There are special rules for any religious observance. In the Muslim world, Ramadan is that time of year when everyone fasts from sun up (about 4:30 or 5 am) until sundown (about 7 pm) everyday. Once the sun does go down though, families and sometimes whole streets celebrate and share a big meal. If visits happen during Ramadan, they will usually happen at night when a meal can be shared (more on visits later). Special considerations are given to children, pregnant women and those who are sick. Children are not required to participate until they are ten years old. If you are not observing Ramadan, you still need to be respectful to those who are. It is illegal to walk down the street eating, drinking or holding food. Because I am a foreigner, I would not be jailed but I would still get in trouble. This year Ramadan will run from the first full week in July until the second week in August. The center will be shut down during this time and I am not sure what exactly we will do during this time.
 
3) Visits
This is how you know you are friends with someone - they will invite themselves over to your house or they may invite you over to their house for a visit This is a time to see one another without having the distractions of the outside world but also a chance for the host to practice hospitality. The guest must bring a gift for the host/hostess to the visit. This may be something simple like sweets or fruits, or it could be something fancy like a tea set. The budget of both parties should be taken into account when considering a gift because gifts are reciprocated when the host returns the visit. Usually the second gift will resemble the first, so you do not want to buy something too expensive for your host to purchase in return. Homemade gifts are acceptable as well. In any case, your gift should reflect your relationship with this person who was gracious enough to accept you into their home. Also, it is better if the gifts are things that the entire family can share. You may choose to bring an additional gift specifically for your friend who extended the invitation too. The division of men and women is expected during these visits. If I were visiting a friend, no boys older than fourteen would be allowed in the same room with us. If her husband or father wanted to meet me, he would briefly come into the room and introduce himself, exchange a few words and then leave again. The separation of men and women is a time honored tradition so much so that some houses (like mine) have two front doors. This was to offer a way for a man to enter his house and avoid seeing the women who were visiting in the room connected to the other door. During the visit a meal will be served. If a visit is understood to be much less formal or is not long enough to accommodate the serving of a full meal, a meal is not needed but something to snack on should be provided. For a meal, all of the food is brought out and laid out on the table. This could be a tall table with chairs or a floor set up with couches depending on the style of the room. The meal will last for a while as conversation flows and your hosts encourage you to eat more. Water will be offered along with other drink choices but it should not be offered as the only choice because it is common and you want to offer your friend the best. When the meal is done and cleared away, often a sweet tea will be served. The next course is dessert which may be fruit or any type of prepared dessert. The serving of coffee signals that the visit is over. It is not so much a statement of "Ok you need to leave now" but instead "I release you from having to stay any longer, if you need to go that is fine." If the time is mentioned, your host does need you to leave sooner rather than later. If you need to leave by a certain time, make that known to your host up front, even when planning the visit for they may ask you to come on a different day so that you can stay longer. Expect these visits to run anywhere from two to four hours at a time.
 
4) Dress
As a woman, I have set rules about how I may dress while in Jordan. No, I am not required to wear the head scarf but I am expected to observe the modesty rules when going out into town. My shirt sleeves should reach at least to my elbows; likewise, my bottoms need to reach beyond my knees. Having your hair pulled up is preferable if it is not covered. Regular scarves should be worn if your neckline dips at all. You should not leave the house with wet hair. The stipulation is that, because of ritualistic washings, a woman with wet hair just got done purifying herself after having relations with a man. So if you leave with wet hair, it is a sign that you just did this and did not have the time to dry your hair. This tradition is not usually observed in this day and age but the stipulation remains. Like all rules, observing them is more for your benefit and safety than anything else.
 
5) Some good things to know
- When you get into a taxi, you always enter from the right side. Women sit in the back unless there are more than three and men sit in the front.
- When you pick up fruit in the super market, there is a separate register where you take it to be weighed and priced before you take it to the front register to pay for it.
- They don't eat pork here so don't ask for it.
- All times for scheduled events are tentative so if something was to start at 6 it will probably start closer to 6:15.
- You shake hands, offer something, receive something, etc. with your right hand.
- In Arabic there are different verb forms for when you are addressing men than when you are addressing women. If you mix these up they will correct you.
- There is very little if any physical contact between men and women. If a man offers to shake my hand I may do so but I could never initiate the action.
- The Jordanian Dinar system takes its values out three decimal places. So your bill may say something like 7.083
 
These are my basic rules and observances for daily life here. I kept trying to explain some of these rules to my nephew but he insisted that they are just doing it wrong here. I disagree, as I keep telling him, it's not wrong just different. Luckily, I enjoy learning about differences like these. I will never blend in here but I can learn how to respectfully live along side the people who call Jordan home.