Two weeks in and I've already had the opportunity to attend a wedding.
One of the programs that the center does is called Well Fit. It is a health and wellness program that offers classes to both men and women in kick boxing, aerobics, zumba and other workout regiments. Those who attend the classes from the community have developed close relationships with the workers at the center who teach the classes. As a result, this past Wednesday every worker at the center was invited to the wedding of the son of one of the ladies who attends the aerobics class.
A short time ago this couple came together with their family to celebrate their engagement and sign a contract binding themselves to each other. This contract symbolizes that they agree to honor one another as if they were married but they marriage is not official yet. If this contract is broken before the marriage celebration, the woman would be considered divorced but the man would not be. On the woman's identification papers it will say "divorced" but the man's will continue to say "single". This however was not an issue for this couple and after the engagement celebration the family made all the preparations for the wedding.
We arrived at the reception hall in time to claim a table and greet our friends. Since this wedding was segregated by gender, once inside all the women uncovered and showed off their party clothes. Many of the dresses of the younger women were just like what you would see at a high school dance in the states. I even spotted a girl wearing the same dress I wore to my senior prom. Soon the DJ started playing Arabic pop music and the girls took to the dance floor. We were exhorted to join in the dancing which we reluctantly did for a short time. It was not so much the dancing that gave us pause, rather it was the scrutiny we were under while on the dance floor that made us a bit uneasy. The way that many engagements and marriages start is when a mother notices a girl at a public event like a wedding reception. The mother would be watching the young girls to discern which were modest, respectful and suitable for her son to marry. In response to this mindset, mothers with marriageable daughters would dress up their daughters and "position" them at the right parties where searching mothers of would-be grooms are sure to see them. If a mother notices a girl who fits her criteria, she will make inquiries about her and let her son know that the search is on. The dance floor felt like the bright light of a microscope that we were all fitted under. Despite this and the fact that none of us knew how to dance, it was fun to let loose with the girls for a bit.
After about an hour and a half of celebrating an announcement came over the pa system in Arabic and the women quickly sat down and put their coverings back on. It was time for the bride to arrive. This arrival was unusual, according to my friends, because the bride was accompanied on one side by her mother and father, and on the other side by the groom's father (the groom's mother had been at the party since the start). The groom was not part of this procession. As they entered, a prayer blessing in Arabic played over the pa. This type of blessing, I am told, is recited at a wedding, birth or the start of something new like a new job or moving into a new house. After the prayer, the fathers left and the bride took her place on the stage in front of us all. There was a great photo op and then she came down to the dance floor to celebrate with her friends (who were now uncovered again). This went on for a bit and then another announcement came on signaling the arrival of the groom. The bride went back out to meet him and all the ladies covered back up. The bride and the groom entered to a similar prayer blessing played over the pa system.
The couple walked through the hall and up onto the stage for the exchanging of the rings. This was a tradition that I particularly liked: both the man and the woman receive engagement rings at the signing of the contract to be worn on the right hand. At the wedding celebration, the groom moves the bride's engagement ring to the other hand and places a wedding ring on her right ring finger. She moves his rings as well. A friend of mine explained that having the ring on each hand tells the story of your lives together. My friends here were also aghast that in the states the man does not wear an engagement ring.
The groom then presented the bride with her gold. The gold is an adornment for the bride but it is also insurance for her wellbeing. If, for whatever reason, the couple was to divorce, the gold is her's to sell, etc., so that she might live on her own. Other types of jewelry are given as gifts but these pieces from the groom are presented and put on the bride during the celebration. The dancing continued but some of the more reserved women went to dance in the corner out of the line of vision of the groom. Soon, a giant cake was wheeled in. I counted eight or nine tiers but there may have been more. The bride and groom took hold of a huge sword with which they cut all of the tiers. At this point, the tradition was similar to what might happen at an American wedding: they took a piece of cake and fed it to each other. Similarly, they were given goblets with some sort of green (non-alcoholic) drink which they held out for the other to drink out of. The photographer never stopped snapping pictures of every action of the couple or turn on the dance floor. We received cake, chocolates and pop to sugar us up and keep us energized as the party went on.
I was very glad to have this opportunity to see how the community, especially the women, act outside of the center and out from under the public eye. I look forward to getting to know this place and the people here better through interactions like this in this next year.
