More to Learn

In order to survive in a new culture you have to learn the rules. Slowly I am accumulating a list of what is polite, how to act in public and expectations others have of you. These cultural norms would not be given a second thought by those who live here but if broken are liable to cause problems. I will give you my short list that is in no way conclusive nor does every rule apply to every situation.
 
1)  Day to day schedule
As I said before, the weekend here is Friday-Saturday. Thursday nights are like Friday nights in the states: everyone is out and about celebrating the start of the weekend. Fridays are the days when the Imams teach at the Mosques in the morning so the town is pretty dead until the afternoon. On a daily basis, most everything calms down between noon and four because of the heat (especially because it is the summer). This week's forecast is calling for temperatures above 110 every day. As a result, most families eat their big meal in the middle of the day; the food is prepared in the morning when it is still cool. Dinner is a much smaller meal eaten at a later time (sometimes not until 8 pm).
 
2)  Ramadan
There are special rules for any religious observance. In the Muslim world, Ramadan is that time of year when everyone fasts from sun up (about 4:30 or 5 am) until sundown (about 7 pm) everyday. Once the sun does go down though, families and sometimes whole streets celebrate and share a big meal. If visits happen during Ramadan, they will usually happen at night when a meal can be shared (more on visits later). Special considerations are given to children, pregnant women and those who are sick. Children are not required to participate until they are ten years old. If you are not observing Ramadan, you still need to be respectful to those who are. It is illegal to walk down the street eating, drinking or holding food. Because I am a foreigner, I would not be jailed but I would still get in trouble. This year Ramadan will run from the first full week in July until the second week in August. The center will be shut down during this time and I am not sure what exactly we will do during this time.
 
3) Visits
This is how you know you are friends with someone - they will invite themselves over to your house or they may invite you over to their house for a visit This is a time to see one another without having the distractions of the outside world but also a chance for the host to practice hospitality. The guest must bring a gift for the host/hostess to the visit. This may be something simple like sweets or fruits, or it could be something fancy like a tea set. The budget of both parties should be taken into account when considering a gift because gifts are reciprocated when the host returns the visit. Usually the second gift will resemble the first, so you do not want to buy something too expensive for your host to purchase in return. Homemade gifts are acceptable as well. In any case, your gift should reflect your relationship with this person who was gracious enough to accept you into their home. Also, it is better if the gifts are things that the entire family can share. You may choose to bring an additional gift specifically for your friend who extended the invitation too. The division of men and women is expected during these visits. If I were visiting a friend, no boys older than fourteen would be allowed in the same room with us. If her husband or father wanted to meet me, he would briefly come into the room and introduce himself, exchange a few words and then leave again. The separation of men and women is a time honored tradition so much so that some houses (like mine) have two front doors. This was to offer a way for a man to enter his house and avoid seeing the women who were visiting in the room connected to the other door. During the visit a meal will be served. If a visit is understood to be much less formal or is not long enough to accommodate the serving of a full meal, a meal is not needed but something to snack on should be provided. For a meal, all of the food is brought out and laid out on the table. This could be a tall table with chairs or a floor set up with couches depending on the style of the room. The meal will last for a while as conversation flows and your hosts encourage you to eat more. Water will be offered along with other drink choices but it should not be offered as the only choice because it is common and you want to offer your friend the best. When the meal is done and cleared away, often a sweet tea will be served. The next course is dessert which may be fruit or any type of prepared dessert. The serving of coffee signals that the visit is over. It is not so much a statement of "Ok you need to leave now" but instead "I release you from having to stay any longer, if you need to go that is fine." If the time is mentioned, your host does need you to leave sooner rather than later. If you need to leave by a certain time, make that known to your host up front, even when planning the visit for they may ask you to come on a different day so that you can stay longer. Expect these visits to run anywhere from two to four hours at a time.
 
4) Dress
As a woman, I have set rules about how I may dress while in Jordan. No, I am not required to wear the head scarf but I am expected to observe the modesty rules when going out into town. My shirt sleeves should reach at least to my elbows; likewise, my bottoms need to reach beyond my knees. Having your hair pulled up is preferable if it is not covered. Regular scarves should be worn if your neckline dips at all. You should not leave the house with wet hair. The stipulation is that, because of ritualistic washings, a woman with wet hair just got done purifying herself after having relations with a man. So if you leave with wet hair, it is a sign that you just did this and did not have the time to dry your hair. This tradition is not usually observed in this day and age but the stipulation remains. Like all rules, observing them is more for your benefit and safety than anything else.
 
5) Some good things to know
- When you get into a taxi, you always enter from the right side. Women sit in the back unless there are more than three and men sit in the front.
- When you pick up fruit in the super market, there is a separate register where you take it to be weighed and priced before you take it to the front register to pay for it.
- They don't eat pork here so don't ask for it.
- All times for scheduled events are tentative so if something was to start at 6 it will probably start closer to 6:15.
- You shake hands, offer something, receive something, etc. with your right hand.
- In Arabic there are different verb forms for when you are addressing men than when you are addressing women. If you mix these up they will correct you.
- There is very little if any physical contact between men and women. If a man offers to shake my hand I may do so but I could never initiate the action.
- The Jordanian Dinar system takes its values out three decimal places. So your bill may say something like 7.083
 
These are my basic rules and observances for daily life here. I kept trying to explain some of these rules to my nephew but he insisted that they are just doing it wrong here. I disagree, as I keep telling him, it's not wrong just different. Luckily, I enjoy learning about differences like these. I will never blend in here but I can learn how to respectfully live along side the people who call Jordan home.